Never ever get married. It'll only end in tears. Nothing lasts forever. Why bother getting married when it's so expensive to get divorced. For all the congratulations we received, we also received a whacking amount of commiserations. Maybe they have a point. This is my third marriage, after all. You'd have thought I might be resistant to the proposal, having already vowed and twice revoked till death do us part. What a hypocrite?! At one point I vowed NEVER to get married again, but then another of my philosophies is NEVER say never. So, ooh, imagine the dilemma.
We could ponder repeatedly whether a relationship will work, or endure, until we're wrinkly, old raisins, holding each others hands not only for affection but to help prop each other upright. But then again the goal of any relationship isn't to endure a lifetime. In my mind a relationship is mutually satisfying and enjoyable for as long as it is co-created.
Based on previous experiences I'd surely be bonkers to marry again, but I decided not to let my past pester my present. I am very glad. A commitment to any relationship is a journey, whether legally recognised or not. Love works in the present, and by deepening my love in my present relationships, I am creating loving relationships in the future and also healing the past. And if the relationship ends, then it is because we co-created la fin. An end merely signifies a new beginning so I won't regret a thing, because I know I enjoyed creating every moment with this man I adore.
You don't avoid making new friends just in case you might not be friends in future. You simply enjoy every moment you are blessed to share and create together.
So I forgave and (very easy to do with my memory) forgot past experiences. I learnt from them and vow to myself not to make the same mistakes again, as long as I remember what they are! When you can permit yourself to forgive, you allow yourself to feel the awesome aliveness that comes when you love and are loved once more.
If I were to tell you that you could get more accomplished by doing absolutely nothing, then you would probably think I was bonkers. Well, I have never been certified but I practice this paradox daily so I know that it really works!
When we live at breakneck speed, fuelled by adrenaline and caffeine, convinced the world will stop spinning if we so much as even consider thinking about having a rest, our muscles are in such a state of constant contraction that we tend to overcomplicate things because of this muscle tension. I used to think that I had to live at full throttle and fill every moment doing something. Then I realised the benefit of doing nothing more often.
Your body goes through different cycles during the day and one of these is the ultradian rhythm where, approximately every 90 minutes, you switch from left brain logical and linear thinking, to the right brain relaxation and dreamy state for about 20 minutes. Our furry friends seem to be experts at optimising the amount of rest they enjoy, so maybe we should take some advice from them for a change, instead of thinking that we know better.
Ernest Rossi (1991) discovered that if we use these 20 minutes to take a break, we can convert stress into the Ultradian Healing Response which minimizes accidents, improves creativity and productivity and even alleviates depression, stress and anxiety. Rossi claimed this 20 minute period can allow the body and mind to rejuvenate, boost the immune system and allow for clarity of thought.
But, as taking a 20 minute break every 90 minutes might get the boss a bit miffed, you can always take a five minute break in the morning and one in the afternoon, and maybe one in the evening or whenever you get home, before you start the next part of your daily adventures. Even these little rest-bites can make a big difference to your productivity and energy levels.
You will find yourself feeling more refreshed and chilled out and it is in this state, when the body is relaxed and free from tension, that we have awesome ideas and revelations that could make our lives even more joyful. Yippee!
I usually totally zone out, or focus on my breath, during my daily ultra-naps. As I inhale, I say to myself: 'I smile at myself.' As I exhale: 'I am at peace with myself.'
Alternatively you could simply count the in-breaths you take, up to eight and then start again at one. If you fall asleep for hours during an ultranap then it is a sign that your body is desperate for rest, so please listen to it! If I have to be somewhere at a certain time I make sure that I set a lovely, gentle alarm to rouse me in good time. Rushing is no fun. Once I had a 5 minute meditation that lasted 45 minutes, because I forgot to set an alarm. Oops!
Happy ultranapping and good luck getting more accomplished by taking time to do nothing.
